pagkat ang bida sa isipan ko'y ikaw.:)

gusto kong maglabas ng random reactions. wala naman rin kasi akong kausap. xD

masaya ang week.
lovely siya.
lonely siya.
i was caught off guard with everything. tapos, ngayong week rin tumubo ang pimple ko sa cheek. aww. share ko lang. weh. hahaha.

sentiments...
nakakainis ka na ha. as in. id like to know what caused you to be like that. lumalabas na papansin ka. :))

umm. ano pa ba ang gusto kong ilabas. ayy. waaiiit.


AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh myy. :)) masaya. euphoric ang first half ng week. tapos pagka thursday, biglaanngg.

gaad. waa. haha.

ngayon ko lang nalaman. selosa pala ako. omidaaad.:))

unjustified gud. as in. im like... bakit ka ba nagseselos? may karapatan ka ba??

hahaha.

last na gusto kong malabas sa isip ko.:

at bakit pa kasi hindi pa ako nagsasalita??? kaya siguro ako bothered. kay baka nagaexpect ako na meron akong aaminin tapos wala pala. hahaha.

at bakit kasi ginawa kang mabait ng Diyos? nakakaadik ka. seryoso.

makes me wonder why i cant say it straight.:))

It has days since I started to take this seriously.

I always hate it when things start to blow into pieces or suddenly vanish without me actually understanding what really happened. I hate it when people don’t talk to me about whatever it is that needs to be talked about and when you ask them, they say everything’s fine but when you turn your back, ayan naa. I hate it when everyone knows your problem except you. I also hate people who don’t understand.
I should stop. I bet you’re asking what my problem is. Well, you all know what it is. Im not gonna say it.
Well its not really a problem because I know it isn’t. IT made it a problem. I know that I have been setting priorities. Sad to say, there are more things I have to prioritize rather than IT. What I didn’t understand was that I expected IT, of all ITS, to understand. Its funny rin kasi kahit si ate nagsasabi na hindi siya magandang influence sa akin kasi hindi maganda ang personality niya para sa akin. and yet, I didn’t mind that because I believed that IT will change. And ive hoped that IT will change so that I can prove that IT is not who they think IT really is.
Ive been trying, but I was only fooling myself. Ang saya. She already told me a long long time ago to stop being with IT if im growing uncomfortable of her and that I cant keep up. But I didn’t do that. Kasi nga, I still believed. Pero when I was going through rough roads, dun ko nasabi na I should stop. It was then that I concluded that I had to take a huge load on me.
Helloo. IT has to know that number one: my world doesn’t revolve around IT or any other person. Number two: IT is not the only one who gets busy and do things. And number three: I don’t like to be busy. Why the eff would IT think that im faking my business?? I mean, IT knows how many things ive involved myself in.
Dati hindi ko to ginatouch on kasi alam ko it will pass. Pero I think ayaw niya na. and what I hate most is what IT’s been doing. Alam niyo ung as if wala ka talagamg value sa kanya? Makes me wonder if the thing itself is genuine…
But at the end of the day, I won’t bother myself. Why? It’s because even though I know this is a serious matter, I got more things to worry about. I got my grades to worry about because I have a goal and I am failing miserably. I got debate, which really pressures me, but I like it.
And you know what, I should have followed her advice a long time ago. Kasi kung matagal ko nang sinimulan iyon, matagal na sana akong Masaya.



She’s right. Youre not worth it.

on intriga and exes...

intriga.

intriga.

intriga.



nakakaineeessss. haha. pero ndi ko xa maiwas iwasan. maygaaahhd. it sucks. kawawa rin xa kasi i think na he's super annoyed. malapit na xang manipa. pero, nabreak ang mood nang tumawa ako. (EH SINO BA NAMAN ANG HINDI MATATAWA KUNG SABIHAN KA NA SIPAIN KA PERO ANG GINAWA KAY NAGMAKE NG FIST?? paluie talaga na tao, kahit kailan.)


what seems isnt what is. or is it.?


weeelll. hahaha.


and speaking of intriga, kawawa mxado kuya ko. hehe kasi, kanina, pumunta kami ng kuya ko at gf niya sa may alfresco sa damosa. tapos, biglang ang EX gf.lumabas out of friggin nowhere. gaaaahd. (this time, i can hear sound effects. un tipong naririnig mo sa Jaws.)



kuya:hala ka, nagunsa ka diri?



ex:oh hi!! ang bait ni god noh.:))



ako:*turns back, sighs.*



ex:oh, she's the one?*looks, no, glares at my kuya's gf*



kuya:ay oo, si ____ pala.



ex:oh hi!! ay san ka? pahatid ako ng citi hardware be.

(hindi naman siya masyadong makapal ano.)



sa car...



ex:ano ka man! sayang ang aking 80,000 dito kung hindi ko naman ito ginagamit!

(background: nung sila pa, they purchased the car. when they broke up, nasa amin ang car kasi we payed for the rest. and nasa 300000 ang car. plus repairs. plus binayaran na ata xa.)



ako:*pinipilit na sirain ang rubiks cube sa inis.*

(alam niyo ba na ang office niya ay nasa may tugbok?? at kami naman ay nasa may matina na banda. para siyang nccc centro hanggang sa UIC bajada. tapos sabi niya seconds. o sige... 30 mins times 60 secs. plus traffic. seconds nga lang. seconds.)



at dahil doon, nalate kami papunta sa addu college. at minalas na kmi the whooolle day. ang galing galing ng world, bai. as in.



and speaking of malas, putul putol ang smart bro prepaid. kaya wag nio itong iconsider. kasi its like... dial up. stupeeid.




oo. tama. mapapadalas na ang mga blog. kasi magpapanata na ako bai. hehehehe.

why im not seen in third floor corridors anymore.

kasad lagi nito.

i miss xavier na gud. :(

i mean, i know people have noticed that i haven't been going to xavier just like what i have been doing for the past... i dunno... months?..

dont ask me why. i personally dont get myself as well.
...
...
...

fine. you asked for it. :)



i think its because that thing that we call insecurity already is beginning to sink in to me. its like i can clearly feel that gap kahit na alam ko na hindi ganun ang pagtreat sa akin. and yes, dear. i have been feeling quite insecure whenever im in there. hindi na ung kung nasa sarili ko akong classroom nang magisa, i feel alone pero kapag xavier ako, at ako lang magisa, i dont feel alone.its not like that anymore. i think kasi back then, even though i belonged to another section, we had somewhat the same goals, and the same experiences. but now, everything is totally different. its like there's this 100-foot tall wall/barrier between me and that room. its out of reach. and i end up being silent sometimes, and actually think: am i still in the right place?
....mahirap iexplain ang feeling. people would understand only if theyre in my position.

and there is always that stubborn explanation: kapoy baba.ikaw kaya magkaroon ng classrom one floor higher tapos sa kasuluk-sulukan pa talaga ng school. sa kalayo nya, you can barely hear the loud, annoying superman chant-turned-bell that the school plays. hindi na nga ako bumababa ng canteen,eh.

pero dont get me wrong. i would still love to go there. i would like to stay there still. i would love to be with my best friend. kaya lang i have to cram. tapos pagka dismissal, hindi ko na xa maabutan because she is off somewhere.

kaya un. sa mga nagtataka, i hope your souls are silenced.

saad. so saad.

IT SUCKS TO NOT HAVE YOUR NORMAL VOICE.

it sucks especially because i cannot live without talking.

seriously.
and people have been advising me to not talk, but i end up shouting at them, telling them that i cannot bear to not talk.

IKAW KAYA SA PLACE KO. FOR TWO YEARS, I HAVE BEEN TRAINED TO TALK MY GUTS OUT, AND IT COMES TO THIS POINT WHERE I SHOULDN'T EVEN TALK?!?!!!?!??! ITS NOT AS EASY AS IT LOOKS. AND I HATE WRITING, BY THE WAY.

yes. and since i didn't get the chance to talk, then ill type.

lets be random, shall we?

i want to see a real penguin. i think it will make me happy.
then, we will swim together, forget our problems, and bask in the antarctic sun.
(wait. antarctic sun??? wth, yana.)
then, we will share fish. afterwards, it will join me back home, and we will be like sisters.

okay. too random.

but its nice to be random.
nakakabigla.:))

ikaw.
how random can you get.?

kiss my nose.:))

"time flies fast when you're hanging. "

-anonymous.(?)

and yes. after what seemed as minutes of hanging turned to hours of looking at how the fish were swimming and wondering if they ever drown. that was the only thing i did last night. and then, haply i realized that my life is boring.

let me repeat. BORING.

kahit na marami akong ginagwa, hindi ko pa rin masabi sa sarili ko na pagod na ako at kailangan ko munang umupo dahil ang dami ko nang ginawa. feel ko abnormal ako. :))
i dont feel that the things i do are actually helpful to anyone. i dont know why i think that way.

pero, hindi ko muna un ielaborate.

practically, nasanay ako na kng mgnet ako, binubuksan ko agad ang blogger, tapos, almost instantly, i start to type.

oh my.

THE MUMMY.

ang pinakamaingay na movie ever made.

la lang.
share ko lang. :))

anyway, napansin ko rin na para akong fish. ang aking attention span. grabe kashort. its like... you hold me for five minutes and i am daydreaming.

which explains why maingay ako pag mass, maingay ako sa moviehouse, maingay ako sa classroom, at maingay ako kahit saan. not to mention... malikot.

and yeah, kung nagtataka kayo kung bakit ganyan ang title ng blogpost ko, bubbly ang song as of this moment.

which reminds me. sabi ni kuya na hindi daw dapat ako makinig ng bubbly. kay bastos daw.

tpos naintindihan ko na kung bakit nung may sinabi si tito tekken.:))

un lang muna.:)

may gawd.

i know that this is a bit delayed, but i'd still post this anyway.

while some people enjoyed their weekend partying of simply hanging out, i, on the other hand, together with other less fortunate people, got stuck in one hot conference room with the luxury of heat... and do not ever forget the obnoxious walking moss you see everywhere you look.

aside from those, we also played grammar police. GOD DAMN IT. when you are there, you can't help but laugh OR raise your brow. its friggin disturbing.

to let you know what i am talking about, we have listed some of the gazillion KOWTZ that we have gotten.

SATURDAY AFTERNOON.
aka unang araw ng inlaytinmet regarded to sintaks.

• I myself is a disciplinarain.
• There is a standard. Under the standard is the Program Standard, and under the Program Standard is your uniform.
• The uniform should be worn by girls and adult.
• scarf: color urayns.
• The Senior Planning Ball
• If you are that long hair...
• First ang belt hip, not hip hop.
• Close black shoes with half-inch
• If you are using the old uniform with 3/4, no belt.
• Not balloon as in balloon. (haaaa?)
• Lumilipad mamayang gabi.
• Tomorrow I would like YOU TO SEE IN UNIFORM. (dba dapat "would like to see you"?)
• I don't want to offend your feelings. (feelings pala?)
• streeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeps.
• The store will not be open tomorrow, because it seems... Sunday.
• Pwede kayo magsuot niyan, wala namang magsalo.
• How about lipstick? Just a little light. (hala sige, pasigahon ang lips)
• SOFADAN (song, fashion, dance... char, pauso.)
• end and hend wisels. (ha? diba HAND AND WHISTLE SIGNALS? bakit nag ulit?)
• no more go backs. (=)))
• we are unite and each other until today and tomorrow.
• we should kailangan talaga...
• avoid magazine na mga bolds... (anong bolds???)
• carry task by steps (unsa daw?)
• ang atong rice, krisis na kaayo.
• "we should be a boy!"
• we should not surrender our Bataan! (char, allusion daw.)
• we should always be a virgin.
  
• we are a simple girls having a terrible heart, friendly and lovable. (TERRIBLE?)
• the only thing we can give to our husbands is virginity. (hahaha)
• have fun an adventure out of the country to be good citizens. (atik? how ironic.)
• na rape na siya, hindi niya alam.
• avoid intimate... time.
• alam niyo bang si ate sheila ay girl din noon? (ano pala siya ngayon, boy?)

from Linay.

and of course. there's always that part two.

SUNDAY. PART Two.
it seems.... sunday.

• • please pick up and one representatives.
  • the girls started to walk on all directions.(whaat?)
  • due to the lack of preparation in time...
  • TUMINDIG KA NGA.
  • group yourselb.
  • it doesn't mean that if you are a cadet or scout leader.... you are free to submit......
  • others will stay on this side, the others will stay on that side, and the other half will stay in front.
  • honor class kayo?
  • you made this conference alive. (AAAAAHHH!!! DAGAAANN!!!)
  • CONGRATULATION!
  • I SECOND EMOTION.
  • nikita..... *hangs* JAMINANA??
  • ...made our hearts live.(okay. so it wasnt really living before we came along...)
  • this is the first council to ever have their blogsite ran by girls.( leewr. bkit man daw lalaki ang magpatakbo be...!!?!?!?!)
  • do you know that she was once a girl like you.?(sex change much.)
  • another things that i would like seen.
  • share handicrafts, share problems without anyone knowing.(WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT OF SHARING ANYWAY???)
  • under the KAMOTE TREE.(HALER. ROOT CROP KAYA YANG KAMOTE. )
  • lets now have the community song ON MY HONOR.(baga kay ningg.)

ayan.
so even though the environment wasnt condusive, we still had fun.

i realized that its nice to laugh about things that are slapstick in nature, but it pays to have good humor in something that only you or a group of people only notice.

kung baga, mas masaya at funny kung konti lang ang nakakagets kasi hindi siya mawawala sa isipan mo.

OH DEEBA?