why im not seen in third floor corridors anymore.

kasad lagi nito.

i miss xavier na gud. :(

i mean, i know people have noticed that i haven't been going to xavier just like what i have been doing for the past... i dunno... months?..

dont ask me why. i personally dont get myself as well.
...
...
...

fine. you asked for it. :)



i think its because that thing that we call insecurity already is beginning to sink in to me. its like i can clearly feel that gap kahit na alam ko na hindi ganun ang pagtreat sa akin. and yes, dear. i have been feeling quite insecure whenever im in there. hindi na ung kung nasa sarili ko akong classroom nang magisa, i feel alone pero kapag xavier ako, at ako lang magisa, i dont feel alone.its not like that anymore. i think kasi back then, even though i belonged to another section, we had somewhat the same goals, and the same experiences. but now, everything is totally different. its like there's this 100-foot tall wall/barrier between me and that room. its out of reach. and i end up being silent sometimes, and actually think: am i still in the right place?
....mahirap iexplain ang feeling. people would understand only if theyre in my position.

and there is always that stubborn explanation: kapoy baba.ikaw kaya magkaroon ng classrom one floor higher tapos sa kasuluk-sulukan pa talaga ng school. sa kalayo nya, you can barely hear the loud, annoying superman chant-turned-bell that the school plays. hindi na nga ako bumababa ng canteen,eh.

pero dont get me wrong. i would still love to go there. i would like to stay there still. i would love to be with my best friend. kaya lang i have to cram. tapos pagka dismissal, hindi ko na xa maabutan because she is off somewhere.

kaya un. sa mga nagtataka, i hope your souls are silenced.

saad. so saad.

IT SUCKS TO NOT HAVE YOUR NORMAL VOICE.

it sucks especially because i cannot live without talking.

seriously.
and people have been advising me to not talk, but i end up shouting at them, telling them that i cannot bear to not talk.

IKAW KAYA SA PLACE KO. FOR TWO YEARS, I HAVE BEEN TRAINED TO TALK MY GUTS OUT, AND IT COMES TO THIS POINT WHERE I SHOULDN'T EVEN TALK?!?!!!?!??! ITS NOT AS EASY AS IT LOOKS. AND I HATE WRITING, BY THE WAY.

yes. and since i didn't get the chance to talk, then ill type.

lets be random, shall we?

i want to see a real penguin. i think it will make me happy.
then, we will swim together, forget our problems, and bask in the antarctic sun.
(wait. antarctic sun??? wth, yana.)
then, we will share fish. afterwards, it will join me back home, and we will be like sisters.

okay. too random.

but its nice to be random.
nakakabigla.:))

ikaw.
how random can you get.?