why im not seen in third floor corridors anymore.

kasad lagi nito.

i miss xavier na gud. :(

i mean, i know people have noticed that i haven't been going to xavier just like what i have been doing for the past... i dunno... months?..

dont ask me why. i personally dont get myself as well.
...
...
...

fine. you asked for it. :)



i think its because that thing that we call insecurity already is beginning to sink in to me. its like i can clearly feel that gap kahit na alam ko na hindi ganun ang pagtreat sa akin. and yes, dear. i have been feeling quite insecure whenever im in there. hindi na ung kung nasa sarili ko akong classroom nang magisa, i feel alone pero kapag xavier ako, at ako lang magisa, i dont feel alone.its not like that anymore. i think kasi back then, even though i belonged to another section, we had somewhat the same goals, and the same experiences. but now, everything is totally different. its like there's this 100-foot tall wall/barrier between me and that room. its out of reach. and i end up being silent sometimes, and actually think: am i still in the right place?
....mahirap iexplain ang feeling. people would understand only if theyre in my position.

and there is always that stubborn explanation: kapoy baba.ikaw kaya magkaroon ng classrom one floor higher tapos sa kasuluk-sulukan pa talaga ng school. sa kalayo nya, you can barely hear the loud, annoying superman chant-turned-bell that the school plays. hindi na nga ako bumababa ng canteen,eh.

pero dont get me wrong. i would still love to go there. i would like to stay there still. i would love to be with my best friend. kaya lang i have to cram. tapos pagka dismissal, hindi ko na xa maabutan because she is off somewhere.

kaya un. sa mga nagtataka, i hope your souls are silenced.