of headaches and pissed off-ness.

i have been having this crazy-ass headache for the past few weeks now. people might not have noticed it, but it is there, like there's a hammer that's constantly pounding youre brain, as if to say "get a grip, bitch. things wont change for you."
why its there? i dont know. but i can only presume that its a turning point for me. its like, my gateway to epiphany. i know something's gonna happen, i just damn swear to god that something will. i just am not getting there, and this headache that's been making me late ever since fourth quarter began serves as a wake up call.
now, i think youre wondering why i mentioned about things not changing for me. yeah, i have been expecting a lot from myself, and other things. and i know that the only thing that i can control is myself, so why bother thinking about changing things?
speaking of change, another thing that has been bothering me lately are teamups. i mean, the current setup is okay, but i think there's something wrong with it, but i cant pinpoint what exactly. another thing that's interesting about these headahes is that it intensifies the moment i step in to ateneo college, where people start discussing(let me change that. RANTING.) about things like "so, what now... am i going to be this?? its like up to you." and whatever crap. i've been shutting my mouth, but in my head, i'm like..."get a grip, bitch. tell me what you really want, and i dont want your gayness(and your.... ugh, ill keep the word to myself) to empower it. it spoils everything."
i know its mean. but hell, if youre in my shoes, its like.... natural. like instinct. im sorry if you get bothered, i know i've been to hard on you, but you know... ive got issues too. and if you keep pressing your issues on my own, i dont think we'll work. learn to trim down; you cant please everyone. but im sorry for being a real bitch. really, i am.(i have a presumption why though. i think its hormonal...:D)
on another light, i think i know why this headache continues: i secretly fret over things too much. i fret about unchangeable things(such as... well, if you really know me, i think youre thinking the right thing.) and the worst part is, it makes me not care about more important things. i actually get contented with a passing mark for quizzes, and laugh at myself when i failed. i dont prioritize things anymore. i dont make my assignments. i dont do well in debate rounds. and most importantly, i havent even moved an inch and care about prom! (i seriously dont want to wear a RTW dress from imperial. NEVER.)
speaking of prom, i need suggestions for my gown and crap.
moreover, im embarrassed. i really wouldnt want to bother my pd8 about picking me up, considering that my house is far from school, or his house, even. i wont want to cause him trouble just because of some tradition. but hey, if he really is open to the idea, ill accept that.

hey. guess what. im pissed. im causing everyone trouble because of my ingrateness and my whatever-it-is-you-want-to-call-me-ness. im sorry if im just not in the mood to be sustainingly happy. its just that i havent found enough reason to. my mouth may smile, but inside, im not.(as in. kay hindi man marunong magsmile ang ibang body parts. imagine your mouth smile....[yana. corny hirit.:l])

soo. un. hahaha.