birthday jitters.:))

okay. i know i only have twelve days before i officially turn older. honestly, i am not excited. who would be? im not gonna turn 18, and come to think of it, its just going to be an ordinary day for me. aside from that, the ones digit in my age would just change to 5. its not so remarkable if you ask me.

but, the moment i learned that something special was going to happen, i felt even more depressed.

last night, my eldest brother called. he said that he was going to come home for my birthday. that was good. but, he was going to invite some friends (colleagues) over. that was bad. my mom told him that we are going to prepare something special for them. that's okay.

then it hit me. we were going to have a special day not for me but for my kuya's friends. they are going to be invited to my party, but i won't invite any of my friends. what a birthday.

my mom offered me a chance to invite friends, but as i was already preoccupied with the thought, i said thanks, but no thanks. i reasoned out that our house wasnt as accessible as other places, and that coming here would be a hassle for the people that i'd invite. aside from that, some friends of mine wouldnt be in davao that time, so...

if i said yes, then that could be the first time that i'd actually invite people over. unfortunately, i didnt.

amidst all that, i only have one birthday wish.
i wish that everyone who ever knew me would greet me.
that's all.:)

2apRo9

i was sitting on a bench, staring blankly on a set of stairs. people were chatting, cheering and laughing, some of them persuading to join me in their merriment. i refused, thinking it was all overrated. suddenly, you walked right up to me, handed me your phone, and let me read a quote. i cant remember what it said, but i remember well what i felt as i was reading the lines. i was thinking that something will happen, and that this is what ive been subtly expecting since the moment i had a hint of a spark between us. after i read it, you held my hand, but said nothing. you just looked at me, but i didnt bother look back. instead, i continued staring at the same flight of stairs as i did moments before you came up to me. after a while, you let go of my hand. you patted my back and said, “don’t worry, its all going to be alright. I’m here.” on that note, you left me silently. i went inside a room, and there i found a white porcelain vase with a bunch of golden roses, and with it was a note. the note was filled with familiar memories which we've spent together. towards the end, you said what you really felt, and that you've felt it strongly for quite some time now. as i read the last part, the part where i was to read your name, i woke up with what seems to be litanies of complaints and nags. i woke up, and figured it was all a dream. well that's unfair. i didnt even get to know who you really were.





why does every good thing happen in dreams alone?

in the end of everything...

**ta namaaan!! wala nang pasook!! summertime na, beybeh!:))

sinapak ko ang taong nagsabi niyan. sobrang nainis ako sa notion niya.

im not saying that i like school, though. kung puwede lang ring batukan ang taong nagimbento at nagpacomplicate ng schooling/education, eh ginawa ko na.

its just that i never really liked summer. ever since nagkamalay ako sa world, ayaw ko ang concept na wala ka talagang ginagawa. as in super wala. Pero its kinda ironic kasi kung may iuutos sa akin, parang instinct na lumalabas sa aking bibig ang aking established na na answer: KAPUY.

haay. ang tao nga naman. kung anu-ano lang ang gustong gawin, pero kahit kailan, hinding hindi papanindigan.

and speaking of mga hindi naninindigan sa mga cherva na lumalabas sa kanilang mga machine-gun-like mouths na puno ng reklamo, asar, libak, pangarap at kung anu-ano pa, may mga tao talagang pabugso-bugso ang mga kinikilos. hindi nila sinusunod ang kanilang mga sinasabi, at awkweird siya. dont worry, guilty ako.

ang sabi niya masaya siya, pero hindi naman eh. kitang kiya kaya.ü

ang sabi ko hinding hindi ako magpapadala. but noooo. (hui. suuuuper slight lang ha.)

ang akala ko aabutan ng mga six months ang kanyang paglayas. pero pagbukas ko ng gate, ayan siya, at parang walang nangyari.
sabi niya dati, pinapahalagahan niya iyon. pero iniiwan niya nga lang eh, ay mas inuuna pa niya ang kanyang... external affairs.


konti lang yan. pero iyon talaga ang maremember ko. hrrrr.

tama. may gusto pa akong irant.
ikaw ba. denial ka masyado. kitang-kita na kaya. :)) paminsan ba, medyo maawa ako sa iyo... kasi namimisunderstand ka. pero wala man akong magawa. but hey. ive got nothing against you in any way. anyway, im just wondering... how do you do it? paano mo matiis na magpakaalila at magpautos para lang sa kanya?
and the ulirang alalay goes to...

oohh.

ive had a very interesting taxi ride on my way to school last friday. why? because the moment i opened the taxi door, i was greeted with a rather... perky and bubbly taxi driver. its like... "GOOD MORNING, MA'AM!!! SA'N PO ANG PUNTA NATIN NGAYON??" grabe bai. kung hindi lang ako nakapagpigil ay abot ng school ang tawa ako. as in. AWKWAAAAHHHAAAARRRRDDD. :))

tapos. same pa rin ang perkiness niya throughout the whole ride. pero interesting, though. kasi kung gaano siya kaperky, ganun katragic ang kanyang buhay. his story goes like this.

sixty days ago, he was happily living in manila. he had a family, and a stable job. then one day, a tragic accident was met by his family. the driver lost control of the car while they were tracking the south superhighway. six 360-degrees and a total car wreck later, his whole family died, while he was still at work.

it has now been thirty days since he landed here in Davao. he temporarily left his job, and bought a taxi with his savings. he says he's trying his best to move on. he adds that with the 30 days he has stayed here, he's got eighteen driver's tickets. (super distracted si kuya.) he's so new here that he still even reads a local map to keep track of where he's going. very, very interesting.

at first, i thought he was one of the people na walang pakialam sa buhay, kuntento sa taxi, at walang masyadong nangyayari sa buhay. pero the moment i heard his story, its like everything mocked me.

since then, ive never judged people again.

pero, duh. of course. natawa pa rin ako sa pagbaba ko. go na "THANK YOU PO, MA'AM, SANA MAKASAKAY KO PO KAYO ULIT!!!!" and kalame ko. all i could do to respond was a laugh.:))

kaya kuya taxi driver, thank you for making my day last friday. because of you, masaya pa rin ako buong araw n'on, at kahit naiwan ko cp ko, malas ako masyado, at muntik akong masagasaan ng truck dahil sa mga taong sumasakay ng bike, good mood pa rin ako.

salamat. :D

of headaches and pissed off-ness.

i have been having this crazy-ass headache for the past few weeks now. people might not have noticed it, but it is there, like there's a hammer that's constantly pounding youre brain, as if to say "get a grip, bitch. things wont change for you."
why its there? i dont know. but i can only presume that its a turning point for me. its like, my gateway to epiphany. i know something's gonna happen, i just damn swear to god that something will. i just am not getting there, and this headache that's been making me late ever since fourth quarter began serves as a wake up call.
now, i think youre wondering why i mentioned about things not changing for me. yeah, i have been expecting a lot from myself, and other things. and i know that the only thing that i can control is myself, so why bother thinking about changing things?
speaking of change, another thing that has been bothering me lately are teamups. i mean, the current setup is okay, but i think there's something wrong with it, but i cant pinpoint what exactly. another thing that's interesting about these headahes is that it intensifies the moment i step in to ateneo college, where people start discussing(let me change that. RANTING.) about things like "so, what now... am i going to be this?? its like up to you." and whatever crap. i've been shutting my mouth, but in my head, i'm like..."get a grip, bitch. tell me what you really want, and i dont want your gayness(and your.... ugh, ill keep the word to myself) to empower it. it spoils everything."
i know its mean. but hell, if youre in my shoes, its like.... natural. like instinct. im sorry if you get bothered, i know i've been to hard on you, but you know... ive got issues too. and if you keep pressing your issues on my own, i dont think we'll work. learn to trim down; you cant please everyone. but im sorry for being a real bitch. really, i am.(i have a presumption why though. i think its hormonal...:D)
on another light, i think i know why this headache continues: i secretly fret over things too much. i fret about unchangeable things(such as... well, if you really know me, i think youre thinking the right thing.) and the worst part is, it makes me not care about more important things. i actually get contented with a passing mark for quizzes, and laugh at myself when i failed. i dont prioritize things anymore. i dont make my assignments. i dont do well in debate rounds. and most importantly, i havent even moved an inch and care about prom! (i seriously dont want to wear a RTW dress from imperial. NEVER.)
speaking of prom, i need suggestions for my gown and crap.
moreover, im embarrassed. i really wouldnt want to bother my pd8 about picking me up, considering that my house is far from school, or his house, even. i wont want to cause him trouble just because of some tradition. but hey, if he really is open to the idea, ill accept that.

hey. guess what. im pissed. im causing everyone trouble because of my ingrateness and my whatever-it-is-you-want-to-call-me-ness. im sorry if im just not in the mood to be sustainingly happy. its just that i havent found enough reason to. my mouth may smile, but inside, im not.(as in. kay hindi man marunong magsmile ang ibang body parts. imagine your mouth smile....[yana. corny hirit.:l])

soo. un. hahaha.

prom!

*nakikinig sa conversation ng ibang tao*
1:shet, bai. kanina ba. tinanong ako ni .. kwan.. for prom. tapos bai, may pD8 na man ako. hahaha. di ko pa sinabi na may pd8 na ako.
2:talaga? wala pa gud ako.. i-reto mo na lang yan sa akin beh pleease. sobrang desperado na ako bai ba.
1:surrreee.:D

*sa stairs ng adju; 3 days, and billions of reto conversations later.*
"bai, ano yang reto??"

:)) super kaclueless ko gud kung ano yan. salamat sa mga tao, inexplain nila na recommend pala yan.xD as in. akala ko complicated ung spelling or something (like retoque or retteu. sorry gud kung akala ko French siya. un pala kay kanto word.)...

at kung gaano kadali ang pagspell, ganun kahirap ang proseso. ive heard and seen situations na kawawa ang mga taong nasasadlak dito. talk about "ireto ko siya sa iyo." "HELL no."(akala mo na rin kung gaano kanice-looking, yun pala kay awkward-looking masyado. pagsure.:)))
pero, fine. may karapatan sila. after all, it is prom. its supposed to be your night. everybody's night.

kasi i thought that it wouldnt cause such a hooplah. kasi dati hindi ko siya dinidibdib. ngayon, sort of. pero wala na akong problema sa date, ang mga ibang tao lang. kasi dahil dito, lumalabas ang kung anu-anong sakit. may prom fatigue, prom hyperventilation, lumalalang kaso ng KKD, schizophrenia, at kung ano-ano pa. masaya gud. kasi maraming laugh trip.xD

biruin niyo, may council na rin para sa mga nirereto at hindi pa sigurado kung mag-oo ung babae. ang sayaa.:))

masaya rin kasi may mga revelations na magaganap sa prom. malalaman ng world kung sino ang chuva nino AATT mga pairs na hindi mo alam na naga-exist. awoo. awoo.:))

kaya sa may mga pd8 na, congrats. sa mga magpaparaffle, good luck. sa mga napilitan lang, martyrdom gets great perks. sa mga umaasa at hindi pa rin nagkakaguts magtanong, get a life. sa mga assuming, wake up. sa mga desperadong tao, HALA, IFORGE NIYO NA ANG PIRMA NG KAWAWANG BIKTIMA NINYO.:))

okay, kahash ko. salig na man gud ba. well, sorry gud. ginaabuso ko lang ang blogging.:))

new year na, durrs.:D

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HAPPY NEW YEAR!
weh. kaawkward ng "leap second". hahaha.



anyways, its a new year. it marks a new beginning for every aspect of my life(which, towards the end of the year, has become a hell hole from paradise).also, the new opportunities and all (basta bago lahat), and of course, the illusion na mababago mo ang sarili mo.

alam niyo kasi, i dont believe in new year's resolutions. stupid man kasi you promise to be this and that for the whole year, but what happens in the next? besides, will your promise even reach a week to begin with? this tradition has only reached face value, and i applaud the people who have become true to their word.

also, there are people who make new year an excuse for everthing. i know that i'll be bombarded with the statement: "sige na lang gud, new year bitaw..."(sarap sigawan ng 'tangina! pakialam ko kung new year na?? may ginawa ka pa rin, gago! bakit? porket holiday ba, may karapatan nang magkasala? sige ha. papatayin kita. sige lang, new year bitaw!*sabay sakal*)

ummm. oo. hahaha.

however, kahit na new year na, life as usual pa rin ako. wala naman akong mabago.:)) (ka-pessimist ko, ever. what a way to start the year.) toast to the new year na lang, and to all the things that come with it. hehehe.

go 2009.! mga tao, chance niyo na ito. change while it matters.awoo.
mga ox-ters!!! taon niyo ito!! hahahahahahahaahha.


ok, nabuang na ningg.

sad ako, though. kasi wala mxadong in store for a dog like me this year.:(
p.s.dog ang aking animal sign thingy... or whatever you call it.